


But It's Better If You Do

by blizzard



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Human AU, P!ATD, Panic! at the Disco - Freeform, idk if i should tag this as a songfic? it's just a fic inspired by a song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-05 15:41:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4185453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blizzard/pseuds/blizzard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Jaspis oneshot. Jasper goes to a cabaret in light of her recent breakup with Rose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But It's Better If You Do

**Author's Note:**

> I got inspiration specifically when I was listening to this version of the song: https://youtu.be/ifgJlJ_zp5Q Please listen to it before/while you read, it's great and really sets the tone of the work.

Jasper’s eyes had started to become dry from staring out of her dinky apartment window at the monochromatic scenery: grey skies, white flickering street lamps, black water collected against curbs and made dirtier with every passing car. She almost wanted to smirk; it seemed as though her neighborhood had adopted a more “appropriate” ambiance to reflect her bleak romantic situation. It had been a week since Jasper’s relationship had ended. Specifically, Rose had ended it with her. Jasper’s subconscious had mocked her even during their relationship that she was much more invested in Rose than Rose was in her. Now, confronted with reality and an enormous amount of time to mentally seclude herself, she had begun to face that fact with clenched fists. 

Rose had always been one for spontaneity and creativity, Jasper mused. She was filled with love for many things, like the color pink, her rock collection, and interestingly shaped fungi, which was something Jasper had loved about her. Although, Jasper also found that Rose had “phases” which could easily be seen with Pearl and now Jasper. It was hard to predict what would captivate Rose next; for a few months, she had been dedicated to doing a cross country bicycle trip, which was something that Jasper had actually been excited about. She quickly found that her anticipation would never be met, because no matter how much Rose poured through bicycle magazines and googled cross country routes, she always had an excuse once Jasper brought up actually signing up to go with a cross country group. Of all the times Jasper had biked even in their own neighborhood, she was able to count the amount of times Rose had ever joined her on one hand. 

On top of this, Jasper was never fond of her relationship with Pearl. Even after their relationship had become bygones, Rose and Pearl interacted frequently while Jasper was with Rose. At first she was understanding about the whole, “being friends with your ex” thing, but she noticed the way Pearl would look at Rose from across the room, and if she met Pearl’s gaze, Jasper was met with a small, distasteful squint of the eyes before looking away into her cup. These micro-aggressions were never caught by Rose, who felt no need to protest to Pearl standing too close and resting her hand on the small of her back. The sight of it had made Jasper clench her teeth; she’d sworn up and down to Rose that she’d seen Pearl smirk at her. Rose, however, voiced her disapproval at Jasper’s jealousy in response to her criticism. It had taken Jasper aback and made her scratch her head pensively as she thought about it before bed later that night. She knew she could be pushy and possessive, so perhaps it really was all in her head, and that she was worrying for no reason, as Rose had put it before they had bid each other a sterile goodnight. 

After that argument, Jasper felt self conscious and decided to step back a bit, trying not to fit into the “jealous girlfriend” stereotype. After weeks of finding ticket stubs of movies that she hadn’t been invited to see and recipes of restaurants that she had never heard of on the floor of Rose’s apartment, Jasper reached her threshold of what she was willing to tolerate and brought it up to Rose again, who was once again defensive, insisting that Pearl was only a friend. Yes, a close friend, but still just a friend. Their back and forth quickly became arguing again, and after the arguing, only uncomfortable silence hung between them. 

It was all downhill from there. Jasper couldn’t shake the guilt she felt every time something Rose did something that bothered her, nor did Rose ever take her concerns seriously and instead would occasionally try to divert Jasper’s complaints through kisses. After the eighth month, Rose cut the tie between them.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she had said.

And now, two weeks later, Jasper had taken to watching the people walk by outside her window forlornly. She scratched at the peeling, off-white paint on the windowsill with a blunt nail as she ran over the events leading up to her breakup again. As she picked the dried paint from beneath her nails, thunder rolled once more, and she heard a faint buzzing noise from inside her apartment. Jasper’s stomach twisted at the noise; the microscopic chance that it could be Rose was enough to make her get up and look for her cell underneath scattered laundry and the couch cushions. It had stopped ringing once she found it in the pocket of a pair of old jersey shorts. Her screen displayed a notification: Peridot (1) Missed Call. Jasper felt her heart drop; of course it wasn’t Rose, why would it be? She sighed and rolled the phone over in her hand as she looked back out the window, contemplating whether or not to call her friend back. She wanted to be alone, and yet still felt so lonely. Her conflicting feelings made life all the more irritating; she swallowed her frustration and called Peridot back, taking a stand against her emotions.

Peridot answered the phone after a few rings. “Hello?”

“Hey,” Jasper’s voice was raspier than usual after days of not speaking to another person. She cleared her throat. “You called?”

“Yeah, uh, how’s it going?” Peridot gently probed. 

Jasper sighed in response. “Not good.”

“Yeah... I can tell.” Peridot bit the inside of her cheek, not knowing exactly how to cheer her friend up. She was never really that good at these kinds of things. “…Just let it go already Jasper, it wasn’t a good relationship.”

Jasper frowned. “I know, you don’t have to throw it in my face. Is that what you called me for?”

“No, look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound insensitive.” Peridot sighed, annoyed with her own incompetence at handing delicate emotional situations. “I’m just trying to say that you’re way better off without her.”

Jasper sniffed bitterly. “Doesn’t feel like it…”

“Dude, you are! You know what? Rose is seeing some guy named Greg now and Pearl is having a life crisis about it.” Peridot offered the information smugly, thinking that Pearl’s misfortune would bring Jasper some amusement.

“Wait, really…?” Jasper felt her throat tighten. 

Peridot noticed the dip in Jasper’s tone and got flustered. She kept fucking up. “I-I mean, I guess she really didn’t like Pearl! Fuck her man. Rose… Rose doesn’t know what she wants, okay? She’s irrational.”

Peridot’s eardrum nearly burst at Jasper’s loud groan through the speaker. “Goddammit. That means I was really being jealous for no reason, and if I hadn’t been jealous, she wouldn’t have been uncomfortable and we could’ve still been together and it’s all my fault—”

Peridot struggled to get Jasper’s attention, who was on the verge of a breakdown. “Hey, hey! No! It’s not your fault okay? Hell, anyone would’ve reacted the same way you did!” she insisted, hoping that the silence on the other end of the line was a good thing. “It was obvious Rose had a soft spot for Pearl and she kept stringing you along and now that you guys aren’t together, she needs someone new to string along or like, be the new Pearl and mess around with them, I don’t know man.”

Silence persisted on Jasper’s line. She had tossed the phone a little ways away from her, not bothering to put the speakerphone on, though she could still hear what Peridot was saying even through the soft downpour outside. 

“Jasper? You there?” Peridot’s voice squeezed out of the phone. After a pause, she added. "Please don’t do anything self destructive.”

Jasper picked up the phone and murmured, “I have to go,” before hanging up and didn’t care if Peridot had heard her.

Her friend’s words echoed in her head. “Self destructive,” like what? She supposed feeling worthless as a partner was inherently self destructive, but it was more of an involuntary reaction that she didn’t know how to control, which frustrated her further. “Sorry I don’t know how to not feel like shit,” Jasper hissed the words she would have retorted to Peridot to herself, had she not impulsively hung up on her. 

She really wanted to punch something, anything, but Jasper knew restraint. She had learned the hard way in one of her last apartments to not punch any part of the house you lived in, much less so if you were renting. Then your landlord would hate you and find ways to blame you for other damages that weren't even caused by you and ultimately kick you out so you’d have to look for a new apartment in a little less nice part of town where people look at you weird because you’re tall and visually stronger than them and stare them down without intending to, subsequently making you seem threatening and unapproachable, even to your new landlord. Instead, Jasper found that she was much more productive and mentally stable once she joined a boxing class nearby, and liked to go spar whenever she felt down or irritated. However, that option was not available to her today because it was a holiday: St. Patrick’s Day. Why her boxing class closed on St. Patrick’s Day she would never know; perhaps it was because the owner of the building and head boxing teacher was part Irish, and loved excuses to party and down alcohol. 

Jasper snorted to herself at the thought of her foolish teacher while she heavily sat down on her couch to turn on the TV to try to find something to watch and absentmindedly wondered if they had any porn channels on the cable plan she was currently on. She didn’t suppose jacking off was self destructive, though it may be the most pitiful, dismal clit-rubbing session she would have had yet.  As she flipped through the channels, a particularly colorful commercial came on about the grand opening of a new strip-cabaret not that far from Jasper’s house, ultimately finding that she’d found the channel that she was looking for. Lights strobed and girls twirled onscreen, Jasper found that she really wasn’t that horny in the first place, nor did she feel like feeling so sorry for herself; she should go out somewhere, maybe even the place that was being advertised now. The words “Mermaid’s Lagoon” flashed onscreen and Jasper quirked a brow. She’d never been to a “Gentleman’s Club” but she guessed it made sense that their names were classy to match the high-brow vibe the grotesque old men that owned the buildings wanted to radiate. 

Jasper bit her bottom lip thoughtfully and after not too long of debating whether or not she should go, she reached over to where she’d thrown her phone prior and looked up the address to Mermaid’s Lagoon while rummaging through all of her strewn about laundry, looking for something appropriate without being too dressy or underdressed. She found a black and white striped v-neck that she fancied and thew it on nonetheless. Jasper liked stripes. She thought it cleverly yet subtly played off of her vitiligo that streaked her dark completion. After running a hand through her unkept hair to at least make some sort of effort in taming it, Jasper grabbed her jacket, keys, phone, and wallet before heading out the door, Peridot’s words revisiting her once more. She didn’t presume going out for a night of drinking and girls could be anything if not self preservative. 

 -

Jasper was thankful that she decided to wear boots as she accidentally stepped in a relatively deep puddle when she got out of her car in a parking lot not too far from the club. She cursed to herself and shook her foot of the brown water while she locked her doors, feeling a bit nervous. As she made her way to the door, she was able to see a line twist along down the sidewalk and she sighed in annoyance. The line was moving fairly quickly so Jasper decided to stick around, determined to sit in the club for at least an hour; hell, she’d made the drive out here, and wanted some sort of justification for the wasted gas. She was three people away from the door after what felt like a quarter hour; not bad considering Jasper had waited hours in her youth to get into a Panic! At The Disco concert to be able to stand about ten rows away from the stage. The bouncer cleared his throat to get Jasper’s attention, who had been lost in thought. She flashed her current ID to him and was allowed in to navigate the establishment by herself. 

Black lights complimented her outfit by making her striped shirt seem to glow while soft point lights flitted about the scene. She sat down a booth for two, a bit confused at what exactly the atmosphere was supposed to be; the cushioned booth, slightly raised above the floor, and accented with a small decorative candle light didn’t seem to match the supposed rave that she was sitting through. She looked around, trying to make sense of the environment when a flatteringly dressed woman approached her and offered her a drink menu as well as a paper slip. After ordering a daiquiri, Jasper read over the slip of paper, which turned out to be a schedule of listed show times: It was fifteen minutes until ten, which was when the next show started and  was not-so-coincidentally Mermaid themed in honor of their grand opening. 

A different girl brought Jasper her drink as she read and she noticed how the girl peered at her through the waves of her bob as she set the daiquiri down in front of Jasper. Jasper gruffly thanked her before taking a sip of her drink when the smaller girl spoke up. “Would you like to purchase a ticket for the next show?”

“The mermaid one?” Jasper asked, setting her drink back down. 

“Yes, you need to pay before hand if you want to see it.” The other clarified, shifting her weight to one hip. 

“Sure,” Jasper said, handing her a card from her wallet. Might as well, plus seeing the show would definitely fulfill her one hour stay at the club. 

Jasper watched the girl walk away while her hips swung in her blue skirt. She looked away after a bit, not meaning to stare. After not too long, the girl brought back her card and handed her a small ticket. Jasper looked up from her phone to take it when the girl spoke again. “You here alone?”

The corner of Jasper’s lip curled upwards, a bit embarrassed. There was a pause before she finally answered with the truth. “Yeah, is that a problem?”

The other girl chuckled, amused. “No, no, just wondering. Most people come here in parties of at least six.”

Jasper smirked. “'Guess I’m not like most people.”

The other rolled her eyes at the cheesy reply. “What a groundbreaking, truly unique individual you are, then,” she said, playing along sarcastically and watched Jasper’s smirk turn into a well-natured grin. “Anyway,” she continued. “Hope you enjoy the show.”

Jasper thanked her and watched her walk away before checking her phone. Five minutes till the show was supposed to start, the music had started to die down and Jasper watched guests return to their seats while most of the dancers disappeared. 

When the clock struck ten, an announcement was made, informing everyone of the start of the show and to please have their tickets ready or they would be asked to leave. Jasper took hers out of her pocket and set it in front of her to be ready and kept her eye on the stage. She slightly regretted where she had chosen to sit; it wasn’t that close to the show, in fact, it was all the way in the back. She sighed and crossed her legs; it was probably too late to change her seat anyway, so might as well get comfortable. 

A large spotlight focused on the curtains of the stage, showing the first woman Jasper had seen when she had initially sat down. She donned a shimmering, revealing gown and sang a tale of a sad love she had with a sailor, who inevitably drowned at sea as she danced around to the music. Jasper watched her “take comfort” in three of her other mermaid friends in light of the sailor’s death, one of which, was the girl she was just chatting with. Jasper frequently sipped her drink to wash down the saliva built up in her mouth as she watched the other’s performance, feeling attracted and a bit embarrassed. Although the show was fantastical, it was also immersive and fun. Jasper couldn’t keep her eyes off of the background dancer she had spoken to and started to feel  a bit of warmth in her cheeks when she watched the dancers come off stage and into the audience to dance with and for the viewers up close. She flushed once she realized that the dancer she had been watching approached her booth and danced in time with the other performers, running her hands up and down her body while locking eyes with Jasper. She swallowed nervously and just before she wondered if she was supposed to dance with her, the performers made their way back on stage to continue the show, leaving Jasper to sigh with a mixture of relief and disappointment. Although from then on, Jasper saw the background performer frequently kept her eyes on Jasper, almost as much as Jasper kept her eyes on her, making her palms sweat. She couldn’t tell if the dancer had a serious interest in her or if she was just really good at doing her job (Jasper decided that it was probably the latter). 

Before she knew it, the show was over and met with applause and whistles as the performers retreated behind the curtain. By then, Jasper had finished her drink, filled with thoughts of the dancer, and she made her way to the bar counter to order another before she left. As she leaned on the counter waiting for her drink, the cute performer from before approached the bar as well, changed out of her costume. Jasper saw her out of the corner of her eye and almost jumped in surprise. She took a deep breath, wanting to make a better impression before she made her way over to the girl but was caught off guard by the bartender who offered her the drink she had ordered. When she turned back around, the girl was next to her, actually making Jasper jump this time, spilling her drink a little and cursing under her breath. So much for a better impression. 

The other girl hid her giggles behind a manicured hand, which only irritated Jasper’s ego more. Though, when she smiled at her, all was forgiven. “You like that, huh?” Jasper inquired sarcastically. 

“Well sorry, but it was funny,” the girl said with a grin. “Do I scare you?”

Jasper snorted. “No.” Of course not. Hell nope. She brought up a different topic in hopes of changing the tide of the conversation. “So, uh, you did a good job during the show.”

“Thank you,” the girl took the compliment in stride, batting her eyelashes at Jasper playfully. 

Jasper was enamored by her blue eyes, and didn’t realize the prolonged silence for a moment. “Um, can I buy you a drink?”

The girl considered the option for a moment before accepting the offer, not too eagerly but she threw a drink name out automatically: “Can I get a Rum Daisy?”

As the bartender made the girl’s drink, she and Jasper, who had been nervous at first but then became more comfortable, chatted effortlessly. 

“Yeah, I decided that I wanted to dance when I was short on money,” the girl said in between sips. 

“Well that’s… very logical,” Jasper said. “Don’t strippers make a lot?”

“Yep. Plus I’m not struggling to pay rent anymore and it’s fun. You just shake your ass a bit and people give you money.”

Jasper grinned widely, enjoying her company. “Nice. I just got a boring old office job.”

“Really?” the girl asked. “I would have pictured you in a different line of work.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, I dunno, maybe stripping?” she joked.

Jasper chuckled a bit. “Nah, maybe I’ll switch to being a personal trainer.”

“Oh, sounds… extraneous,” the girl remarked. 

“Well, I like working out so I wouldn’t really care about the self exertion. It's kind of the point.”

“What are you, some kind of meathead?” the girl asked good-naturedly. 

“Yeah, check it out,” Jasper said as she shrugged off her leather jacket that she had been wearing to pull up her shirt sleeve a bit so she could flex, showing off her firm biceps. 

The girl raised her brows. “Impressive.”

“Wanna touch?” Jasper teased, leaning forward. 

The girl rolled her eyes, smiling, and raised a hand, only to have Jasper pull away. “Careful, don’t damage the goods.”

“Don’t be a dork,” the girl said, giving Jasper’s arm a hard squeeze, though not too roughly. “And if they’re really that good, it’ll be hard to put a dent in them right?”

“I guess you’re right,” Jasper shrugged. The girl’s touch made her feel a bit warm; she noticed that it lingered. “So, I never got your name.”

“Lapis,” the girl said, lowing her hand. “Lapis Lazuli.”

“What’s that, your stage name?” Jasper asked as she shrugged her jacket back on. 

Lapis giggled. “Actually, no. It’s my full first name, like Mary-Ann, except without the hyphen.” she said, looking to the side, now seeming a bit embarrassed. “My parents are geologists,” she clarified. 

“Oh, that’s cool,” Jasper said as she checked the clock. One in the morning. “Mine just sit in cubicles.”

Lapis hummed in acknowledgement, also glancing at her watch. 

Worried that she’d leave, Jasper acted on impulse. It was the first time in a while that she had felt content, and she didn't want to lose that comfort now. “Lapis, you wanna… go somewhere tonight?” She asked, tentatively touching her arm.

Lapis got goosebumps from the gentle touch as she looked up at Jasper. 

“I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Jasper added as a second option. 

“Where?” Lapis asked.

“We could do like a hotel or something,” Jasper suggested, her heart beating quickly. Her place was way too messy anyway. “You could always leave.”

Lapis looked over Jasper, her pause killing the other before she finally replied. “Sure, I’ll follow you in my car.”

Jasper felt butterflies flutter in her stomach and grinned. “Great! Let’s go.”

“Um, I have to help clean up first before I go…” Lapis told her, watching her deflate a bit. “You don’t have to wait.”

“No, no, go ahead, I’ll wait.” Jasper said, and was met with a smile from Lapis. 

Lapis beckoned her closer, leaning upwards. “I’ll try not to keep you waiting too long,” she said lowly before giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek and going off to help the cleanup crew, leaving Jasper to touch her face slightly incredulous. 

 -

Jasper spent another half hour on her phone playing Angry Birds and waiting for Lapis to finish working before she met up with her again. As they walked to the parking lot, Jasper wanted to take Lapis’s arm, but decided that that was too forward, and kept a respectable distance while she walked Lapis to her car before finding her own, but as they walked, Jasper saw from her peripherals how often Lapis looked back at her and how her strides moved her closer and closer to Jasper's side. Lapis followed her to a hotel that Jasper had looked up on Yelp that was in her price range and had good reviews; she even called on the ride there to book a room before they arrived for no other reason than to be able to suavely collect the keys and make their way along. If they had gotten there and been told that there wasn’t a room available, Jasper would have preferred Lapis to do nothing else but lower her into her shallow grave. 

She thanked God that such a scenario wouldn’t happen as she got out of her car and held the door open for her partner. Jasper got the keys without any trouble and continued with Lapis upstairs to their room, chatting and laughing while they rode in the elevator. As soon as they were in their room, their conversations bled together with giggles through kisses pressed into the mattress. From underneath her, Lapis trailed kisses from Jasper’s lips to her jawline and to her neck; she felt Jasper shudder from her touch and smirked, taking Jasper’s face into her hands and returned to kissing her deeply. 

Jasper opened her mouth for her, starting to pant a bit as she felt a familiar desire grow in her lower abdomen. She lifted her eyelids slightly to peek at Lapis’s face while they kissed; it was so close. She cupped Lapis’s face with one hand as she payed more attention to her bottom lip. After a moment, Jasper broke the kiss to get off of her partner to shed her pants and shirt and tossed them on the floor before sitting back on the bed in only her undergarmets and getting into a more comfortable position. 

Lapis crawled towards Jasper and put her hands on the other's chest to knead her breasts through the fabric while they kissed once more. She wasn’t sure if Jasper realized the small sounds that escaped her while she did so, which excited her. She reached down and rubbed Jasper through her underwear, rubbing circles against her wet spot, clearly seeing how well she was doing as a partner. 

Jasper tilted her head back once she felt Lapis’s fingers against her, mouth slightly agape. She felt Lapis suck at her collarbone while continuing to rub her, making her spread her legs a bit more for better access. She paused their session again to take off her underwear, and Lapis took the time to take off all but her undergarments as well. 

“Lie down,” Lapis said, and Jasper nodded and complied, resting her head against the pile of pillows on the bed. She watched Lapis straddle her as they returned to kissing while Lapis ran her hands up and down Jasper’s body. She heard Jasper’s breath hitch when she cupped her sex, gently inserting two fingers while rubbing her palm against Jasper’s clit. Jasper unclipped her bra and allowed Lapis to take it off so she could kiss her breasts. It wasn’t until Jasper arched her back, aching for more, when Lapis took her hand away. Jasper looked down at her worriedly until she saw the other’s reassuring gaze and watched Lapis move down between her legs, spreading and massaging her thighs. 

“Put a pillow or two under your hips,” Lapis suggested and waited while Jasper did so before she went back down, teasingly squishing her labia together before she ran her tongue flat up her slit, making Jasper’s hips buck upwards. Her tongue dabbled a bit in Jasper’s opening before she payed more attention to her clit and slid her fingers back in. She felt Jasper gasp, clenching around her and tugging her hair slightly as Lapis pushed her towards her climax. She stopped immediately when Jasper gently started to push her away a few moments after. “I’m kinda sore now,” she admitted, a bit embarrassed. 

“Sorry,” Lapis apologized with genuine concern on her face. 

Jasper reassured her partner, flustered. “It’s okay, it’s not your fault. I’m just a bit uh, sensitive I guess.”

“That’s fine, it happens to me too,” Lapis told her, comfortingly rubbing Jasper’s arm and kissing her neck, feeling her shiver despite being warm.

Jasper couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so comfortable during sex. She remembered times where Rose would get a bit frustrated with her fickleness which only made Jasper feel more self conscious. But Lapis was receptive and understanding, she made it easier for Jasper to let herself go. She never pictured herself going down on someone she had just met and having it feel like it was something they had always done together. The sound of Lapis’s quickened breaths and the rustling of sheets felt familiar to Jasper in a different way than just remembering a prior experience. Maybe she was born to meet her. The two spent the rest of the night grasping at each other and kissing through fevered breaths, with periodic breaks to talk and rest spread out through their visit, and by the first morning light, they were both asleep. 

 -

Jasper rolled over groggily with the intention of throwing her arm over Lapis, only to find a cold, empty space in the bed. She sat up blinking and rubbing her eyes, wondering where the other had gone. She checked her phone and saw that it was past noon and groaned to herself; she hadn’t noticed Lapis quietly leave. She had been courteous enough to leave the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the outside of their hotel door, which had given Jasper more time to sleep. Jasper stood up and started to get dressed, only to sit back down on the side of the bed, consumed with regret. She regretted that they hadn’t spoken more throughout the night, even though at the time it had seemed like the perfect amount of words had been exchanged. She worriedly wondered if she had done something wrong for Lapis to leave without saying goodbye, or could it have been that again, she was the one who was overly invested, while the other wanted to keep a more casual relationship?

Thoughts of Rose and Lapis filled Jasper’s mind as she made her way to the toilet, not even noticing how frequently she sighed while she thought. It wasn’t until she washed her hands that she saw a note by the sink which had a hastily written message: Lapis’s name and number. Jasper’s eyes lingered on the small heart drawn on the paper before she grinned with relief, trying not to yell too loudly and bother the neighbors. 


End file.
